The weekly post

The one where my grandma and I discuss Britney Spears

I must admit that after another doozy of a week, where I hardly read more than 5-7 minutes each day, I was positively delighted when the cold front moved in this past weekend. I enjoyed easy, slow mornings and extra cozy evenings with my book and my dog, and it was the reading hibernation I desperately craved all week. Of course, the real treat of my week arrived when I learned that my grandmother and I were both making our way through Britney Spears’ memoir (she went audiobook and loved the narration, I stuck with my hard copy). I had no idea she had requested it from the library, and this unplanned buddy read brought real lightness to the week as we compared notes and discussed our reactions together. Nan picked up on things that I totally missed, and I filled her in on what I remembered of the years when Britney was in the spotlight 24/7.

Unpacking a book with someone is my true love language, and I have connected with so many people in recent weeks over the joys of reading, discovering a new author, or being happily surprised by a book. Truly, these connections have been the brightest spot and mean the world to me, and I cannot thank you enough. Wherever you are, whatever you’re reading, I hope you’re taking care and staying connected.

Currently Reading

THE HEAVEN & EARTH GROCERY STORE by James McBride. Okay, this one has been on my “Next in Queue” for a while, and I am so excited to finally be digging into it. This book was gifted to me by someone very special, I have since gifted it to another friend (my first time gifting a book I hadn’t yet read myself!), and this week, my work book club is discussing it. Now, while I may not finish this in time for work book club, I am delighted that I’ll have so many wonderful friends to discuss this with after I turn the final page. Stay tuned!

Recent Recommendation

THE WOMAN IN ME by Britney Spears. As a general practice, I don’t love the idea of assigning a number of stars to personal memoirs - it never sits right with me. And this isn’t the type of book one really “enjoys” because there’s so much trauma steeped in each page. So here’s what I’ll say instead: this was a powerful, difficult, and brave story to tell, and one I feel grateful Britney shared with the world.

Here’s what informed my reading experience: I grew up with Britney Spears. I had …Baby One More Time on cassette tape (!!), choreographed dance routines with my cousins to In the Zone, and had Britney posters from J14 and Tiger Beat magazines all over my walls. I loved her. Admittedly, by the time Femme Fatale was released, I only knew the singles, and I didn’t keep up with the hype surrounding her Vegas residency. But still, it was a given that I would devour her memoir, even before I knew my best friend was part of the powerhouse publishing team behind it (big shoutout to my sweet Caroline!!).

This memoir takes the reader behind-the-scenes of those early albums and tours. With the conservatorship front and center in recent years, it could be easy to gloss over the early years, which were far from easy and light. Britney’s inner dialogue takes us right back, reflecting deep conflicts and contradictions: she loves the creativity, exploration, and movement in singing and dancing, and she also wants to live out her teenage years with some sense of normalcy. She wants to be the nice, polite girl in entertainment, and she questions why she can’t party like other 20-somethings. She is heartbroken and confused by breakups and wondering why she is not granted the same grace to pour those emotions into her music. She is sexualized at an early age and then vilified for appearing too sexy. I remember following all of this as a young girl/teenager, and it’s (unsurprisingly) worse to relive through her eyes. Almost no one in this story emerges unscathed, and I kept recalling one of my favorite quotes from Anne Lamott: “If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

Reading about the early years makes evident that Britney entered the entertainment industry with a pure love for singing and dancing, and it is devastating to watch this taken from her so cruelly. My grandmother and I agreed that reading about the conservatorship years was heartbreaking and made our blood boil for her. Britney writes in such a matter-of-fact way that is jarring for the reader and effectively conveys how little control and flexibility she had in her own life. I felt claustrophobic and constrained while reading about the monotony of the Vegas residency shows and the requirement for her dad to weigh in on every single decision - even just to leave the dance rehearsal studio! I felt sick hearing about Britney’s time in the mental health facility, being gaslit into believing she is sick and being medicated against her will, and I can only imagine what it was like for Britney to revisit these memories through her writing. And even though I knew the outcome of the #FreeBritney trial, I felt myself holding my breath, sure that the other shoe would drop and she would remain trapped in the conservatorship.

There were disconnects for me while reading this, though upon reflection, I think those disconnects reflect Britney’s lived reality. I couldn’t figure out where she stood with her mother, as it seemed like in the early years they were attached at the hip, but I imagine Britney also couldn’t understand her relationship with her mother. She seems to adore her sister Jamie Lynn when she’s a young girl, and without warning or context, is horrified by her sister’s behavior, feeling abandoned and betrayed. But it strikes me that perhaps Britney also doesn’t know what caused that switch. For every time I felt confused or startled, I recognized that it was a fraction of Britney’s own confusing, and often horrific, experience.

To those who question if Britney has the capacity to author a well-written book, let me reassure you this: she has the capacity to author a bravely written book. And that is a powerful gift.

Recommend if… you had posters of Britney on your walls as a kid or you love celebrity/personal memoirs

Reading Soundtrack

Amelia album by Mimi Webb, Myles Smith radio, Serpentina album by BANKS, and Good Riddance album by Gracie Abrams

Read Ahead

In case you missed the exciting news last week… I am hosting a Silent Reading Party on Wednesday, February 7 at Lost Gen Brewing in NE DC, and I would love for you to be there! We’ll gather between 6:30 - 7:00pm to grab drinks, food, chat with friends; read from 7:00 - 8:00pm silently; and hang around after 8:00pm for as long as you like to discuss what you read, catch up on life, order more drinks, etc. Please do RSVP via this link so I can provide Lost Gen with a headcount and feel encouraged to share the invitation with other fellow readers!

Three Words

Reading hibernation season.